


Muse

by Vena_Marie



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F, quinlove
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 23:36:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1244557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vena_Marie/pseuds/Vena_Marie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tegan's career has taken a turn for the worse while Sara's is at the height of her career. Sara is given a choice and Tegan is given an ultimatum. Will Sara take the chance of a lifetime or will Tegan call it quits?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Tegan's POV**

In the quiet dressing room I stare into a mirror. The crowd of fans are getting impatient for me to take the stage as they are screaming my name. Taking a deep breath I close my eyes and try to remember what made me choose this life on the road it wasn't the fame or the money; it was because I just wanted people to hear my music. Hearing the band start up I acknowledge it as my cue and the fact I have five minutes until I am needed on the stage; slipping my inner ear pieces in, I take one last look in the mirror before I exit my dressing room.

Making my way to the stage I run into several crew members who wish me luck; nearing the stage I spot my guitar sitting ready in the same spot it was when after I left the sound check earlier. Picking it up I slip the strap over my head as I make my way up to the mic. Looking out at the audience I wave to them before smiling and I say, “Hello Vancouver, are you ready to get things started?” The crowd response is full of enthusiasm as I strum the opening chords of The Con.

The rest of the show proceeds smoothly as there were no slip ups or mishaps; and, as it is one of the first shows we’ve done so well in a while perfectly the guys want to go out and celebrate a bit. For once I didn’t see any chicks in the audience that I have any intention to bring back with me tonight for a good fuck; however, with that said it might be nice to not drink alone for a change so when they ask me to go out with them I agree. Taking two cabs over to a local night club Jasper slides into the cab beside me so we may share the fare.

“Hey Tee, things went really well tonight. Maybe things will start to turn around again?” Jasper says. I turn to look at him and give him a weak smile.

“Well I sure hope so. Otherwise the label will probably drop us, and right now I don’t think anyone will be willing to pick us up,” I reply to him.

Jasper sighs and rubs the back of his neck before looking out the window and says, “Well Tee, it is more than just the drop in sells. It’s…well look I am not really sure how to say this, but it’s the women and the alcohol. Look I’m not judging you, but your fans look up to you.” The cab pulls up to the club but before Jasper opens the door I stop him.

“Look Jas, thanks for looking out for me and all, but you are not the first to give me this speech; and, I doubt you’ll be the last. It isn’t like I don’t want a happily ever after. I just haven’t met her yet,” I say to him before we hop out of the cab to head towards the side entrance as past experiences have proven this is best to avoid the crowd of fans. Though lately that isn’t much of a problem.

After settling into a private booth I spot a sexy brunette walking over to us. Long brown hair down to her back; and, nice firm looking tits at least as far as I can tell, she walks over to our table to take our drink order. Everyone orders a round of beers but I decide upon a double order of scotch, as soon as she is done taking our order I wink at her but she seems not to be into me. Leaning back I smirk to myself while she walks away and look over to see Jasper eyeing me. What a fucking buzz kill, I can have a little fun.

“Oh come on, Tegan, didn’t we just have this conversation,” Jasper says a bit sternly. The second the words come out of his mouth it seems like the guys know something I don’; and, the lack of eye contact from every one of them confirms my suspicions. Turning to me Ted places his arm around my shoulders.

“Here’s the deal, when we get to Seattle there is going to be a meeting. I don’t know the details but they have worked something out. Either you agree to their terms or it is all over with the label,” Ted says weakly.

Instantly I am on my feet and I pace back and forth in front of the booth trying to keep cool. Clenching my fists I fight back the urge to punch something or someone. “When did they tell you this? How long have you known? Why are you telling me this now?!” I shout loud enough to be heard over the music.

“We were told to keep our mouths shut, okay?” Ted says loud enough for me to hear; and, apparently he is the mouthpiece of the group tonight. He continues, “They gave us a heads up in case you didn’t comply with the deal they made; but, believe me when I say this Tee we really wanted to tell you right away. We were hoping they would eventually give us some details but nothing. You know we don’t give a rat’s ass about what you do in your private time. Tee, the label is getting tired of cleaning up your messes.”

Following my outburst the waitress returns with our drinks, everyone shuts up as she places the pitcher of beer on the table followed by a bottle of Scotch and a glass. I guess my reputation precedes me and she leaves quietly as I pour my Scotch into the glass nearly filling it up completely; as soon as I sit the bottle on the table I grab my glass and drain half of it. This prompts me to say, “What the fuck do you mean clean up after me? What in the fuck is there to clean up? Yeah I drink but usually in the privacy of my hotel room and every girl I have fucked have been more than willing to come back to the hotel room with me. So once again I ask; what the fuck is there to clean up?

This time Jasper speaks up. “Tegan, those girls you take back to your room are fans, every single one. And word gets around, it may not be out in the mainstream media but your fans all know your type and they know you like to fuck. The label has gone as far as higher extra security to keep them from trying to slip backstage and into your hotel room. Plus your publicist, Jen, works over time making sure none of them talk to the media about what goes on in your room. They are tired of it Tegan, one of these days one of those girls are not going to be so willing at keeping her mouth shut. And then what, huh? Everything you have work so hard for will blow up in your face.”

I slide back into the booth and rest my head in my hands; taking deep breaths I wonder just how long the label has been going behind my back like this. I deserve to know well at least I think I do. Placing his hand on my back Jasper begins to gently rub small circles and says, “Look we all know you weren’t always like this, the first few years on the road must have been awfully fucking lonely for you to start bringing random girls back to your room, and I guess the label thought it was a phase or something but it’s been seven years. Something’s got to give.”

It is a rare occasion that I let myself cry these days, but it seems I’m not drunk enough to suppress the tears. Fuck, why do I have to cry in front of everyone? I’m not so fucking weak am I? Leaning back I wipe the tears off my face before pouring myself another drink. “I’m sorry that I’m not the ideal musical inspiration that the label wants me to be, but everyone has their problems and you just have to find a way to deal.”

Standing up Jasper reaches for my hand and says, “Come on lets head back to the hotel as you’ll need a good night’s rest before we head out tomorrow. You’ll have to meet with the label and I am sure you will want to look your best.” I know he is right so I chug the rest of my drink and place the glass down on the table.

“I’ll take care of the bill,” Ted says as we all head out.

We make it back to the hotel just after one and I forgo my nightly routine before bed. Considering tonight I’m not covered in some strange chick’s slobber, sweat, and juices; I guess as shower isn’t really needed. Fishing out some boxers and a large tee to sleep in I climb into the empty bed. Lying in the middle I try to remember what it is like to sleep totally alone; the girls I’d bring back always stayed until morning, granted they’re usually sprawled out on their side of the bed passed out. After a few moments within my brain I fall asleep.

My phone’s alarm wakes me and I crawl out of bed to move over to my suitcase to get some clothes. Tossing my outfit onto the bed I head to the bathroom to take a shower. As I am in no hurry I just stand under the spray and let the hot water run down my body, it is relaxing and my mind wanders to getting a massage. One of those deep tissue ones as I am sure it’d help with the tension. Noticing the water beginning to cool I quickly finish and step out of the shower.

Dressing quickly I check myself out in the mirror to make sure I look alright, following that I pack up my suitcase and pull on my leather jacket before leaving to head for the bus. Boarding I find the guys all sitting at the table just off of the kitchenette I move pass them to place my suitcase onto my bunk before turning to the guys. Something is up otherwise they wouldn’t be sitting here all quiet. Leaning up against the door frame I say, “Well is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Ted decides to speak up, having more balls than the rest of them these days, “Remember how we told you the label and Jen work to make sure that nothing of what you do gets leaked?” I take a deep breath as I know where this is going. Ted continues, “Well TMZ somehow found out and they have photos of you and different women going into various hotels at night.”

Sliding into the open seat next to Ted I say, “You have got to be fucking kidding me? How? Are they hiding in the goddamn bushes?” Ted opens his laptop sitting on the table and shows me the TMZ website he had cued up. “It says they got them from different fans. I guess they were staying at the same hotel those nights. Either way the point is they got out before Jen could work her magic. Now there is a media frenzy and they’re digging for more. Sorry Tee, I told you this would happen.”

Banging my head on the table I hope that maybe I am dreaming and I just need to wake up from this nightmare that is my life. Not wanting to hear anymore I stand up and make my way to my bunk. I can hear the guys one by one make their way off my bus and soon I am alone again. Pulling out my IPod I pick a random playlist and roll over to drift off to sleep again.

The trip to Seattle is quick and I settle into my hotel room before I catch a cab to take me over to the restaurant where I am supposed to go for the meeting. I suppose they thought it would be more pleasant to do this over a meal; after I give the hostess my name she walks me over to a table in the back which gives us a bit of privacy. The president and vice-president of the label sit at the table alongside Jen, my publicist, and Dawn, my agent, and I take the only empty seat left. When the waiter asks for my drink order I decide to be on my best behavior and just order some water.

The waiter returns with my water and we all place our food order; following this I have to suffer through thirty minutes of mindless chit-chat until the food is served. Jen is first to bring up the reason we are all there, “Well Tegan, I am sure you are aware of the recent leak” She looks over at me waiting to see my reaction. Sighing I run a hand through my hair.

“Yeah I hear. I am just wondering how exactly this happened and how are you going to fix it? I mean it is your job, right?

Jen arches an eyebrow and sets her glass on the table before replying, “My job is to generate press coverage and promote you. Not to clean up after you like I have been doing. Sorry Tegan but it is getting to be too much; the label and I have come to an understanding, as long as you continue down this path I won’t work for you.” I nod in understanding before looking over at Dawn as I am sure she has plenty to say. “

“Yes Tegan I do. First let’s start with the drop in sells, we are thankful for your diehard fans, but that isn’t enough to fill the venues and sell the amount of records we need to cover your advance. Your last record alone sold barely half of what we projected and it isn’t looking good. Your sound is what makes you Tegan but have you ever thought about changing it up?” Dawn says and this grabs my attention. Change doesn’t always equate to being bad.

“What do you have in mind exactly?” I ask as I shift in my seat and Dawn smiles weakly as it seems this is what she was looking for.

“I am sure you have heard of Sara Clement as she is from your home town. I even think you two might be the same age,” Dawn says. They aren’t planning what I think they are, they really can’t be but I nod as Dawn continues, “Well she is also signed with us and we thought the two of you might collaborate a bit. To mix both of your sounds would be a great way to not only revive your fan base but to add to hers as well” Yes, she is fucking serious, I think to myself as I lean back in my chair and cross my arms. The last thing I need is some pop princess wannabe calling the shots.

“Are we talking a few songs or a whole fucking album? Will there be a tour? I need to know specifics before I even give this some thought,” I reply and that venom comes out a bit more; but, Dawn is all smiles as I finish.

“Well I am glad you asked Tegan. In fact the answer is all of the above. The idea is that you both take time to work on your existing songs to find a common ground so you can play them together on stage. We will launch a tour to promote your collaboration during which you will put together a new album. Ideally there will be another tour for the new album,” Dawn informs me.

“What does Sara have to say about this? I mean did you even talk to her about this? It affects her just as much as it does me,” I say.

“She is thinking it over as we sat down with her this morning much like we are doing here and we talked things over with her manager Jason,” Dawn quickly responds. I nod my head as at least Sara has some common sense to not rush into something huge like this.

“So how are we going to do this? I mean I am in Vancouver and she still lives in Montreal last I heard. Plus my tour still lasts six more weeks,” I say,

“Arrangements will be made for the two of your to share an apartment. You will both have to agree on where and you will do so in the next six weeks. I suggest you take the time to get to know her, as for the public perception this will be a mutual collaboration,” Dawn says as I look her in the eye.

“I have no choice in the matter right? I either do this or it’s over?” I say as the venom has risen up to the forefront.

“Exactly! Now for the other issues; Tegan there will be no more women. I mean it and I know it seems unfair but it is for your own good. Besides once you and Sara start working together I am sure you will be too busy anyways,” Dawn finishes with a smile before adding, “I am sure Sara will be on board.” There is a part of me that wonders what the fuck that is supposed to mean.

**Sara's POV**

Tonight is the first, of hopefully many sold out arenas; unfortunately it is the end of my tour but I finally can say I have a sold out show. Sound check was fantastic following that it is time to relax a bit on my bus. My very own bus after ten years of touring I have my own bus. My career wasn’t the way I originally dreamed as I didn’t hit it big instantly; but, all the hard work and dedication has finally led to her. Over the years I slowly built up a fan base, a very loyal fan base at that.  
  
Deciding to use my time wisely, and hoping for some inspiration, I pick up my guitar and proceed to strum out some notes. After twenty some odd minutes of aimless meandering on my guitar I finally give up and place it back on its stand; turning on the TV I surf through the channels until I find myself watching TMZ. Zoning out listening to them rant on and on about the latest stunt of some celebrity I could care less about until I familiar name strikes my attention.  
  
Turning it up I proceed to listen to the show intently as the lead on the show points at some blonde guy before saying, “What do you got there?”  
  
The man hesitates for a split second before he speaks, “Well we all know that Tegan Quin has never hidden the fact of her sexual preference, but what most people don’t know is that it seems she sleeps with a different woman every night.” The guy pulls out several photos of Tegan with different women trying to slip into different hotels unnoticed.  
  
“Let’s see those photos closer,” The lead on the show says and the camera gets a closer look at the photos and it is apparent that this is Tegan Quin most definitely.

“Some fans were more than willing to share these with me,” The unknown man says.  
  
“Why is this the first time we are hearing about this?” The lead says looking confused before continuing, “It looks to me like her publicist isn’t doing her job anymore.” He hands the photos back to the blonde man and I immediately turn off the TV sitting there in shock. Could it be true? Well what else could it be? The photos are obviously of her. I’ve never been the type of person to randomly sleep with people on the road; not to say I haven’t had relationships but never just a random fuck here and there. Do my band mates sleep around? Am I the only one who doesn’t?  
  
Realizing what time it is I quickly make my way to the back before getting dressed for the show in about half an hour. Making my way backstage I find my bandmates killing time talking about whatever strikes their interest; I half pay attention as I find a tall road case and I sit on top of it. Kevin notices my presence before nodding a hello while Todd simply gives me a two finger salute with Mike just smiling at me.  
  
“What are you up to Sara Bear?” I hear a voice from behind as me. I turn my head to see Noah walking up to me. The thought from before crosses my mind and I cock my head.  
  
“Can I ask you guys a personal question?” I say while everyone responds in the affirmative. “Great! So I happen to catch something on TV that made me start to think. You guys don’t bring random women back to your rooms at night do you? I mean is it normal behavior?”  
  
Mike looks at me with a funny expression, “Just what were you watching?” I roll my eyes at the insinuation.  
  
“TMZ as I was surfing through the channels and well they were saying something about Tegan and how she has a different woman every night I have been touring for ten years and I have yet to know anyone who does that, and I was wondering if any of you did.” I say as the guys gather around me as I spoke.

“Sara, I know you have a thing for her; well you don’t even know her. So don’t get bent out of shape over it, okay? Try not to read into shit like that,” Kevin says as he steps forward and places his arm around me before continuing, “There is no telling when those pictures were taken or even if it is really her in them. Even if it is her well maybe she has a sex addiction or something. Who are we to judge?” He tries his best to hold back a smile and I grin before punching him in the arm.

Before I know it it’s time to take the stage and the guys walk ahead of me while I follow as a stagehand hands me my guitar and I make my way to the center of the stage making sure I don’t trip on any of the wires again. Reaching the microphone I adjust it a bit as they always seem to forget how short I truly am. Waving to the crowd I say, “Hey, so are you guy’s excited about tonight’s show?” The crowd goes wild and I giggle to myself as I wait for them to calm down. Still all smiles I continue fiddling with my guitar as I chat up the crowd. “So tonight’s show is very important to me and the band, as not only is it the end of our first headline tour but it is also our first sold out show. So thank you all so very much for your support,” I say as I fight back tears and I continue, “This…this is just well…you have no idea how excited I am. So let’s start this show off right.” I strike the opening chords of one of my favorite songs, Alligator.  
  
The show comes to a close and I am hot, tired and ready to peel these clothes off and get clean before going to bed; plus I have a meeting with the label first thing in the morning. Thanking the crowd one last time before saying goodnight and I walk off the stage. After handing my guitar off to a backline tech I make my way out of the venue and grab my overnight bag, I never pass up a chance to stay in a hotel room as I can actually get a decent night’s sleep. I spot the cab my personal assistant, Reina, arranged to pick me up and before I know it I am in front of the hotel, must not be far from the venue.

Deciding upon a nice bubble bath and a glass of wine I slide into the hot water of the tub and relax instantly. Reaching for my glass of wine I down it in seconds and immediately refill the glass. Time passes by as I stare at the bubbles on top of the water; I wiggle my toes before poking them out of the water. I should ask Reina where I can find an awesome salon for a pedicure. The ringing of my phone breaks me from my thoughts and I frown as I am pretty sure who would be calling me at this hour. Checking my caller ID it is Emy and I toss my phone to the plush rug as I know what she wants. It has been six months since she filed officially and two years since she walked out on me. I need more wine and before I know it I am three glasses deep and I find my thoughts wondering why someone like Tegan Quin would need the company of so many different women. She is talented, gorgeous, and I bet she is very smart as well. Oh what I would give to spend even a moment alone with her just to talk. After my fourth glass I start to feel really tipsy so I drain the tub and dry myself before making my way to the bed.

It’s nine as I walk into the lobby and I give the receptionist my name. I move over to sit down in one of the overstuffed chairs, and within a few minutes Jason pokes his head out from behind a set of glass double doors and motions for me to follow him. Leading me to a huge conference room that could easily seat twenty, but there is just the three of us. He introduces me to a middle aged woman sitting on the left side of the table.

“Hello, Sara, my name is Dawn and I am Tegan’s agent,” Dawn says as we shake hands. She continues, “So Sara, Jason tells me you are quite the artist and things are really taking off for you.” I smile and nod because I don’t know how else to respond. “She’s a sweetheart I can tell and hopefully she is just what Tegan needs,” Dawn says while looking at Jason.

“Excuse me? I don’t understand,” I say a little confused but my interest is definitely peeked.

“Well Sara, Jason and I have been back and forth over a particular matter. I think you are a solution to a problem of mine,” Dawn says as she turns to look at me. I give her a puzzled look while she continues, “It seems Tegan has hit a rough patch in her career and we have been looking into ways to boost it a bit. I hear that you are a big fan of hers, correct?” I try to stop from blushing and I simply nod. “Good, have you ever given any thought to collaborating with another artist?” She asks.

“Like for a few songs?” I say and I can see her hesitating.

“No…we are looking for extensive collaboration; ultimately what we want is for you to become a band. You could become Tegan and Sara. You’ll rework your existing songs so that they can be sung as a duet live and eventually the two of you will write music together, do a few tours, and if it doesn’t work out you can always go back to being solo.” Dawn informs me.

I’m not dumb I know why they are doing this. Tegan is messing things up and the label wants me to be the band aid before it is too late. I chew on my thumb nail a bit, a nasty habit I have when I think too hard. The question here is do I want to get involved? Do I want to risk her dragging me down.

“Can I think about it?” I say and Dawns smiles.

“Sure! Take your time as Tegan has six more weeks on her tour,” Dawn says. I stand up and leave in a daze. Is this an opportunity of a lifetime or is it a one way ticket to hell?


	2. Chapter 2

**Sara's POV**

After leaving the meeting I forego the car and walk back to my hotel room as I am in a desperate need of some fresh air; nothing like a career changing decision to be dangled in front of you. On one hand I get a chance to work Tegan, but on the other hand after what I saw on TMZ yesterday I’m not sure as to what I’ll be getting myself into. Losing track of time as I walk back to the hotel it is just past noon when I finally make my way there. Immediately the two black busses grab my attention as they weren’t there before I left. Which makes me wonder if Tegan is here as well, I mean why not? I guess they will want to meet with her as well.

As I enter the hotel I head straight for the reception desk and quietly I ask if Tegan Quin is staying here. The young woman hesitates for a moment before giving me a brief nod. At her answer I ask for a blank piece of paper and an envelope to quickly jot down a note asking her to give me a call with my number before I seal it up. Handing it to the girl I say, “Give this to Tegan as soon as you see her. It’s very important and I’m not just some random fan. I appreciate it.” Perhaps I can meet with her before my flight to Montreal later tonight.

Upon returning to my room I grab my phone, as I left it behind, and can see that I have three missed calls, all from Emy. I know she wants me to sign the divorce papers but I can’t seem to bring myself to do is. A small part of me hangs onto the hope that she will change her mind. She was the one that left after all; after a six month tour I come home to our shared home to find everything of hers gone. We are married for Christ sake; did our vows mean nothing to her?

Firing up my Mac in a desperate search for a distraction I look up the new releases on the Barnes and Noble website just to see if anything peeks my interesting. Once I finally get distracted the ringing of my phone breaks my concentration; looking at the number on the caller ID I don’t recognize it and go to hit the ignore button; but then I remember that I wanted Tegan to give me a call. Moving the laptop to the bed I answer.

“Hello?” I say.

“Hello...Sara?” I hear a recognizable voice on the end in and I momentarily panic. Which surprises me even further as I find my voice.

“Hi, Tegan,” I say way too happily, “So I had a meeting today and I was wondering if the label had a chance to speak with you yet?”

I can hear her chuckling on the other end before saying, “Well you don’t waste time do you? Yes I just got back to my room and after being chased down by who I thought was a crazed fan to find out it was one of the hotel staff with a note from you. So tell me Sara. What can I do for you?”

Sensing a bit of annoyance in her voice I decide to make it short before saying, “Well I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner tonight. I have a flight to Montreal tonight and I think we should have a sit down before I go. I have six weeks to think things over, but I can’t do that without meeting you first.”

I hear her low chuckle again as she responds, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming. Yeah we can after my sound check; hell you can sit in on it if your want. I guess you’ll want to see how I do things, right?”

Trying to hold back my excitement and keep my cool I say, “Yeah that sounds great. I’ll meet you in the lobby and we’ll ride over.”

After a short pause she replies back, “Yeah that works. Meet at three and try not to be late.” Before I could say anything else she hangs up. Getting over the shock of the conversation I throw myself onto the bed and scream into my pillow with excitement. Out of nowhere a sudden desire to at least make a good impression I get off of the bed and grab my bag; seeing as I brought just enough for the morning I had to go to the bus. I pack the rest of my stuff quickly and get to the bus in record time. I see Reina packing my things as soon as I get into the bus.

“Reina! You have to help me as I need something to wear for tonight!” I say a bit frantic.

Staring at me for a minute she finally speaks, “Is this for a date?” I can see a gleam of hope in her eyes and I give her a weak smile.

“Yes…no…I don’t think so?” I say with a shrug, “I am just with her. To see if I can actually work with her.”

Reina, who is now following me around the bus, says confused, “Wait what? Work with her? What does that even mean?” She finds a pair of black jeans and hands them to me; walking back to the bunks I begin to change.

I yell back at her, “Label meeting this morning. They want us to do an extensive collaboration. It kind of seems that Tegan doesn’t have much choice in the matter, but they do need my okay on this” Walking back to the front I spot Reina who is holding up three shirts; a simple white button up, a more formal looking black button up, and a band shirt with Tegan on it. I scoff before saying, “Yeah so I can seem like a crazed fan. We’re going to her sound check first and followed by dinner.” She hands me the simple white button up.

True to form she asks, “Does this mean I need to look for a new job?” She laughs as she holds out my coveted leather jacket, smiling at her I pull her into a hug.

“Reina you should know by now that I can’t function on the road without you. I’m not sure how I ever did!” I say while I roll up my sleeves and slide on my jacket. Reina looks me over once and gives me a thumbs up.

**Tegan's POV**

Well I am not sure what to make of that conversation, nor do I know what to make of Sara. She definitely has guts that’s for sure, but I didn’t expect her to reach and to contact me. Then she asked me out for dinner under the pretense of getting to know each other. Knowing I won’t be back tonight I throw my suit case together before lugging it all the way to the bus before we head to tonight’s venue. I step back into the lobby and I see Sara, as I recognize her from some photos I’ve seen before; and, I look down at my watch to see it is ten minutes till three so at least she is punctual.

She hasn’t seen me yet so I stand and watch her for a little bit. She is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen with her short cut chocolate brown hair bobbing back and forth to the beat of whatever she is listening to on her IPod. Engrossed in whatever she is reading on her Blackberry while biting one of her thumbnails. After a moment she looks up and for a moment everything stands still as she smiles at me and waves.

She walks towards me while pulling her ear buds out and shoving them into a jacket pocket alongside her IPod. She stops a few feet in front of me and offers her hand for me to shake, but being awestruck for a moment I stand there like a moron.

“Are you alright?” She asks me and her voice is mesmerizing.

Snapping out of my daze I say, “Oh yeah, I am good.” I try to discreetly check her out as I shake her hand. “Are you ready to go?” I ask.

Giving me a bit of a smirk she says, “Sure, let’s go.” I turn and make my way outside to catch a cab with Sara quickly following me with this look upon her face and I ask, “What’s with the look?”

“Don’t you have a car service to take you where you need to go?” She asks as if it is an offense that we take a cab.

“Never say the need for one as I can get where I need to go in a cab,” I say as I open the door for her and she slides into the cab. I slide in afterwards and never break my smile with her.

“But aren’t you worried about your safety? I mean you never know who or what…” She rambles on but I cut her off.

“Please just stop. Taking a cab is one normal thing I am still allowed to do. Look you don’t know what it is like to not be able to do your own shopping, or go for a walk without having people follow you and taking your picture. It really gets to you after a while,” I say a little firmer than I meant to but she doesn’t seem offended. She is quiet for the rest of the cab ride and I’m not quite sure if I should take that as a good sign or not as she watches the streets pass out the window; but, when we come to a stop she looks over at me and smiles we both get out. I walk over to the driver and pay him handsomely before thanking him. We walk up to the entrance of the club and I open the door for Sara than follow behind her as we make our way inside.

“Make yourself at home as I need to have a chat with the band. I’ll be back in a few,” I say to her and she just nods before taking a seat in the front row.

As soon as I enter into the dressing room the whole band jump to their feet, but I quickly motion for them to sit back down and I move over to sit beside john. "So as you guys know I met with Dawn and the execs for lunch, well they pretty much gave me no choice. They want me to do a long term collaboration with Sara Clement. I know all of you have heard of her," I explain to them.

They are all quiet and the tension is thick in the air. Jasper speaks ups, “Well what does that mean for us?” I run my hand through my hair and sigh.

“I’m not sure to be honest. Sara hasn’t given the go ahead yet as she is the one calling the shots. So I guess it’ll be up to her on whose band we use,” I answer him.

Looking over at me Ted says, “And you are okay with this? You are not the type to let someone else take charge.”

I shrug simply before saying, “I don’t have much choice do I? You guys know that music is my life, and I want to continue to do what I love. If Sara gives the go ahead then so will I.” Standing I head for the door as there isn’t a point to continuing this conversation. The band follows me and I grab my guitar on the way to the stage. A once I reach my spot I plug it in to go through the motions of making sure it is in tune and all ready to go. The guys all take their positions on stage and check their equipment to make sure everything is where it should be. We first test out our equipment separately but after a while we begin playing as a band; and, right away I can tell something isn’t right. I am getting to much feedback in my earpiece and I hold my hand up to stop everyone.

“Too much feedback, let’s adjust the two large monitors first as they’ve been an issue lately,” I say to the sound techs and they give me a thumbs up.

“Alright let’s just start the song over with,” I tell the guys. As we start playing I look over at Sara for the first time since we got out on stage. It seems she has found some paper lying around because she is drawing something, and every so often she will glance up at me with those deep brown eyes. I wonder how long she has been watch me like this and why she is doing it so intensely. I try to ignore her gaze as we finish up but it is hard knowing she is watching me.

Leaving the stage I sit my guitar off to the side to insure no one will mess with it between now and the show. Declining an invitation to have dinner with the band by telling them of my plans with Sara; and, I can’t help but think I probably even blushed a little. Afterwards I meet Sara at the door, and she has this cocky grin upon her face but before I can open my mouth she opens the door to reveal a black sedan waiting for us.

“I know you like taking a cab but just this one please do this my way?” She asks cutely and I raise my hands in a mock surrender before walking out the door.

I do have to give her credit as I would rather sit in a car that smells of leather over the smell of stale cigarettes, vomit, and fast food. Sara looks up at the driver and he just nods as we pull of the parking lot.

Looking over at Sara she is looking out the window again. She doesn’t talk much that I have noticed. “What were you drawing?” I say and she must have been zoning out as she looks at me with sad eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What did you say?” She says to me and I smile weakly.

“What were you drawing?” I ask again. “You were drawing something during the sound check and I am just curious if I could see it,“ I say and Sara bites her bottom lip before shaking her head no.

“Sorry, I don’t show anyone my drawings. It is the one thing that I can have for myself without anyone else judging,” She says.

I can’t help but chuckle a little before saying, “Yeah I get that.” We go back to silence for the rest of the ride until Sara’s phone rings and she looks down at the caller ID; and, the sadness returns as she hits the ignore button before turning back to the window. I’m curious but I decide not to ask as it isn’t really my place. After a few minutes pass we pull up to the restaurant and the driver gets out before opening the door for us, which is something I’m not use to. Looking up I see that this place is a bit nicer then what Sara and I dressed for so I give her a look, but she just walks inside. When she reaches the hostess she gives her our names and in an instance we are taken to a table in the back.

Right away Sara asks for a bottle of red wine before looking over the menu. “Do you have some connections or something?” I ask as no mere person can get in that quickly.

Never looking up from her menu she says, “No but my PA does. While we were chatting backstage I gave her a call. I thought it might be nice to enjoy a good meal together.” Picking up my menu I start to look it over.

“Well thank you,” I say as I really didn’t know how to respond to that. After a moment of silence I clear my throat and say, “So what did you think of the sound check?”

The waiter arrives with our wine and pours us both a glass before placing the bottle down on the table, and takes our orders right afterward before stepping away. Sara drains the entirety of her glass before answering, “Well it seems very routine there isn’t anything wrong with that.” She pauses for a second before continuing, “That tune you were playing I haven’t heard it before. Is it something you are working on?”

A bit taken aback she pick that up I sip on my wine before say, “Oh yeah it is actually. It is still a work in progress as I am having trouble with the lyrics.” She has that intense look return again.

“Well what do you have so far? If you don’t mind sharing,” She says and I am shocked by just how easy it is to talk to her. I recite the lyrics to her, as I didn’t want to burst in song in the middle of this fancy restaurant.

I recite:

“Standing where I am now, standing up at all  
I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself at the finish line  
Hanging on to parts of me, hanging on at all  
I was used to seeing no future in my sight line  
  
Sometimes it feels like they wanna remind me  
Send all those villains after me….”

I sip my wine again before saying, “Normally I’d start with the chorus but those words came to me first-“

She cuts me off by saying, “I'm not their hero but that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave.” The uncomfortable silence falls between us again. I begin moving my fork around idly when her phone rings; and, just as before she looks at the caller ID and hits ignore.

“Do you need to return that call?” I ask. I didn’t want her ignoring them because of me.

She just sighs, “No, its fine. Just someone I am not particularly in the mood to talk to at the moment.” I just nod simply.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sara’s POV**

I was lucky enough to get a non-stop flight home however the downside is that it is an eight hour flight. Using the time I have on the plane to clear my head a bit. When I called Reina while Tegan went backstage before her sound check I was informed that Emy had called in hopes Reina could get her in touch with me. At the time I really didn’t give it much thought, but just how did she get Reina’s number? She didn’t start working for me until after Emy left me. She must have contacted someone at the label which means soon they will start asking questions about my person life, and that is the last thing I need right now. I can’t help but keep thinking about how I need to face her at some point but I can’t bring myself to do so. I don’t want to tarnish my memories of our last day together.

The morning was perfect as she had gotten someone to cover her classes since I was leaving for a six month tour. She made us breakfast, which we ate in bed, and we made love several times before it was time for me to go and I packed my final bag sadly. I had to catch a plane to New York which is where the tour was set to kick off, and after a silent car ride to the airport she gave me a kiss goodbye. Thinking back on it I can see it clearly now as I have played it over and over in my mind a thousand times trying to figure out how I didn’t see it coming. Every night we spoke but her calls during the day started coming less and less; I just figured she was busy teaching. The school year was in full swing and I remember there were times she would be up tillmidnight grading work. My days were becoming busier as well as out of nowhere I was getting calls for interviews. The time we would share together Emy didn’t seem to have the enthusiasm like she did before yet I still didn’t see it coming.

Toward the end of the tour I would go days without talking to her, but it still didn’t hit me as I was so exhausted. The night after the last show on the tour I hopped a redeye flight home as I was so ready to just be done and be in her arms again. I was so sure she had missed me as much as I had missed her, but what I found was not what I had expected. As I walked into our home and flipped on the light I dropped my bag by the door. With a quick glance around the room a sudden realization went off, it looked as if no one had lived her. As I went through the house I saw that everything of hers was gone, it was like she never even lived here.

I cried for three days after the shock wore off and I hardly left my bed, and I would have stayed in bed if my mom didn’t find me. I had forgotten she was flying in to spend the week with Emy and I; though I don’t remember much of that week but I am thankful she was there. She put the pieces back together enough for me to carry on and make it through each day.

After mom left I finally called Emy and she greeted me like an old friend, which felt like she was twisting the knife that she had stabbed into my heart. I didn’t know how to respond so I simply asked if she was going to ever come home, and she simply replied with a no. When I asked why she me she couldn’t do it anymore. She wanted to be supportive but she never that I would try to live this dream as long as I have. She figured after a few years I would have gone back to school when it didn’t pan out. We spoke only a few times after but the heartbreak that followed each time put a stop to it. After the short break we started another tour and that is when I hired Reina as some days I would forget to eat; I lived in a fog for the longest time.

Trying to get a bit more comfortable I remove my jacket and lay it across the empty seat next to me, and that is when I see a piece of paper sticking out. The sketch Tegan asked about in the car, it is of her. Pulling it out I look at it for a moment, Tegan was so captivating even if it was just a simple sound check. She was so in tune with everything going on around her.

I sit there in silence and my mind wonder backs to the fact that Emy called Reina; she must be desperate if she hunted her down. In the pit of my stomach I think that maybe I shouldn’t go back to Montreal, I could go spend some time where I grew up in Calgary. I am sure my mom would love to have my home; and, a few moments late a flight attendant offers me a pillow and a blanket which I accept in the hope of getting a few hours of sleep.

I must have been a lot more tired than I had thought because the next think I know the flight attendant is waking me up as we land, and as soon as I am out of the airplane I call my mom to inform her that I am going to come home for a bit and I assure her nothing is wrong. Booking my flight I retag my luggage and give Reina a call to inform her of my plan.

It’s a bit after noon when the plane finally lands in Calgary and I am exhausted after the two flights. Knowing mom would be at work I make my way to the rental car counter, and I end up driving the familiar streets of my childhood home. It comforts me to see nothing has truly changed. Letting myself in I take my luggage up to my old room and see that mom has put fresh sheets on the bed. Lying down I bury my head into my pillow and it smells like home, and once again I am awoken but this time by my mom.

“What time is it?” I ask with a sleepy grin upon my face.

“Just past seven and dinner is ready. I got us some takeout,” Mom says as I get up and follow her into the kitchen.

“You look better,” She states with a weak smile and I just nod while I grab a plate and with a fork in head I pile a bit of the takeout onto my play. “How are things?” She asks with concern.

“Things are fine mom,” I answer emotionlessly.

“How are you really? How is Emy? Have you talked recently?” She asks prying a bit.

Taking a deep breath I conjure the words that have failed to form so many times before, “Emy…Emy…she filed for divorce.” I can see that my mother is taken aback by this and she seems to be searching for something to say.

“So you are divorced then…” She says and I am not sure if she is asking or confirming. Forgetting the food in front of me I launch into panic mode as I stand up and I begin to pace the room.

“No! We’re not,” I say as I can’t look in her face.

“I don’t understand Sara. She filed for divorce, are you saying you haven’t signed the papers or sat down with a lawyer? How long ago did this happen?” She asks me a bit confused.

Sitting back down I finally look her in the eyes. “Almost seven months now. She gave up on us mom, she said she couldn’t do it anymore,” I say sadly and mom pulls me into a hug.

“Let’s go to the living room,” She says and I nod my head before following her. Sitting down on the couch beside each other she holds me close and gently rocks me like she when I was a kid.

“Sara honey, I need you to tell me what happened. I can’t help you if I don’t know,” She says softly.

Closing my eyes I can feel the tears beginning to fall and I say, “After you left two years ago I called her and she told me she couldn’t do it anymore that she tried to support me in my dreams but it was just too much for her.”

She sits quietly for a minute or two before saying, “Sweetie that was nearly two years ago.” I nod my head and she continues, “Oh sweetie why didn’t you say anything?”

Clearing my throat I sit up on the couch and say, “I just couldn’t mom. I was hoping she would change her mind. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into months, and before I knew it a year had passed. I think that is when I finally gave up hope, but I couldn’t give up what we had. Does this make any sense? Am I crazy to think this way?”

Taking both my hands into hers she faces me and says, “Sara you have always walked around with your heart on your sleeve. I was so afraid you would get hurt like this and I prayed you would come to me if you did. I don’t think you are crazy in the least.”

Wiping the tears from my face I say weakly, “I still can’t sign them, hell I can’t even look at them” She pulls me into a hug as I finish.

“I know sweetie but the judge will eventually rule in her favor and grant the divorce. I am surprised they haven’t already.”

Pulling back from the hug I sigh before saying, “She has been calling the last few weeks. I listened to the voice mail the first time; she says it is time we both move on but I’m not ready.”

She pats my leg smiling before she says, “It takes time and some take longer than others but you will get there. Sara honey you have to let it go if there isn’t anything left to hold on to, okay? Now let’s go finish dinner.”

After dinner I take a quick shower and sit down with my mom trying to relax a bit as we watch one of her shows; but, it seems I am far more tired than I had thought as I find myself drifting off to sleep on the couch. After saying our goodnights I make my way to my room and quickly pass out on my bed.

Waking up the next morning I can smell cooking bacon, and I roll over to see that it is just pass nine and I wonder why mom is home. She normally has to be in to work at eight, standing I make my way groggily to the kitchen and I stretch while yawing.

“Good morning,” Mom says as I take a seat at the table and she places a plate of pancakes in front of me, and then she answers the one question I had in mind. “I called in today. Cindy was more than happy to handle things for me once she heard you were in town,” She says

I smile as I cover my pancakes with the syrup resting on the table and then she places a piece of paper on the table before turning back to the stove. Lifting my gaze to look at the picture it’s Tegan.

“Who is she?” Mom instantly asks.

Blushing she turns back and winks at me before I say, “Um…It’s Tegan.”

“Well who is Tegan? I know you Sara, and I know that she is special to you. So who is she?” She asks persistently.

Shoving a bite of food in my mouth as she stares me down and I know she isn’t going to give up on this. Swallowing the bite I take a drink before rolling my eyes and say, “She’s another artist and the label wants to pair me up with her. I sat in on her sound check the other day and I drew that during.” The answer wasn’t enough for her.

Giving me one of her looks she says, “Is that so? You just draw people for no reason now? There isn’t a chance that you care for this Tegan?”

Dropping my fork I say, “I don’t want to go there mom. At least not right now.” She nods at me and goes back to the stove.

“Fine we won’t, at least not today we won’t,” She says and all I can do is just groan and feel like a teenager again.

**Tegan's POV**

Tonight’s show starts like most shows, I greet the audience and we start in on the first song of the night. Normally I do a few songs then chat with the crowd but tonight I can’t shut up. I just seem to ramble on about things, one story leads to another and to be honest I am not even sure what I started talking about to begin with. One thing is for sure that my fans have learned a few new things about me and I am pretty sure the band has though I have lost my mind. I haven’t I just feel really good tonight.

My dinner with Sara was far beyond what I had thought it would be, my impression was that we were just going to talk about business, the dos and don’ts of how we run things. Despite the awkward moments it seemed like she wanted to get to know me, Tegan, not Tegan the star. We talked about how we got our start, what influenced us, and I would have never in my life imagined Sara the type to drop acid at a rave. Makes me wonder if we ever did cross paths and I was too fucked up to noticed.

As it turns out she went to a private school and she was lucky enough to get a scholarship, both brains and talent it seems. Unlike my parents, who were just divorced, Sara’s dad had skipped out on them before she was born. I also learned that music wasn’t Sara’s first choice as she did a semester in college at McGill University, her focus in high school had been music so she found it hard to focus on her studies when her passions were elsewhere.

For me university was never even an option as I slacked off in school and got into too much trouble. My mom was surprised I even graduated. I wasn’t really a bad kid I has had other interests then school work as well as a temper problem. Having been in several bands throughout high school I was ready to hit the road the moment I became an adult and that is exactly what I did. Two years it took to finally get signed and I shot up from there.

Over the next few days of the tour I went about with Sara on my mind, and I wonder if she made it home safe, what the hell she was drawing the day we met, and what could possibly make her so sad like she was in the car. From Seattle to Portland and from there the tour took us to Sacramento, San Fran, and LA. Each day I was a little more and more disappointed when I didn’t hear from her. I hoped she would call as it wasn’t really my place to call her. She was, after all, calling the shots.

After a week when I finally gave up on waiting for her to call she actually calls me and we talked for an hour or so, it was like catching up with an old friend. We talked about everything and how she decided to fly home to Calgary instead of Montreal, but when I asked why she changed the subject. I am amazed at how easy it is to talk to her, and when she would laugh I swear it was like I would get butterflies every time she did. For the next two weeks I waited up every night after my show for her to call and one night I realize it had been over three weeks since I had a drink and I can’t even recall the last time I looked at another woman.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sara’s POV**

I love my mother to pieces, but after three weeks, I now remember why I insisted on moving out of Calgary. I’m going stir crazy, there is only so many places you can go before you start to run into old acquaintances from high school. I really didn’t want a trip down memory lane, which sadly I couldn’t avoid. Nikie Clark or well Summerland as of recent, what a blast from the past, the most disliked girl in my circle. But what can you say her parents were loaded and never home. She threw the best parties and could get us into the best clubs.

She shows up one afternoon while mom was at work. I had been working on some lyrics for the song Tegan had played during her sound check. I just couldn't get it out of my head. So there I am, on the couch in the living room with my guitar, when I hear the doorbell. I stop playing and look over at the door in hopes that if I am quite they will go away. Just as I think they are gone I hear them bang on the door and from the other side I hear them call out my name.

“Sara! I know you’re there. My mom talked to your mom and she said you were home.” Christ! I am going to kill her! I straighten my shirt and take a quick peek in the mirror by the door before opening it. On the other side stood a much older looking Nikie. Man, time has not been good to her. I force a smile and invite her in. She takes a seat on the couch and the second she see my guitar, she goes to pick it up. Quickly I move it out of her reach.

“I would rather you didn't.” I smile and offer and explanation. “I just don’t want to have to retune it later.” She just smiles and nods her head like she understands. Which I doubt. I offer her something to drink. She passes saying she is 3 months sober. I force another smile and nod. That isn't what I meant but okay. So I grab us each a water. Not sure what to say I ask what’s up. She perks up instantly and begins to ramble on.

“Oh my god I just have to tell you were right all along, about Jason Henley. We dated three years and He was nothing but a worthless asshole! Sure his family had money, but they didn't let him have a dime of it until he finished college and well you remember Jason, we both know that never happened. Last I saw him he was working at the Jiffy Lube. He married that Sam girl, after he knocked her up. You remember her right, she was only at Clearmonte because she was the bastard daughter of Governor’s son. They had to keep her mom quite somehow.” I had no idea how to respond really and honestly I didn't care.

“Oh is that so.” I say with a fake smile. “Well it seems I am good at reading people then. So what do you do for a living?” I was trying to find anything other than talk about the mindless gossip. She sighs and looks down at her perfectly manicured nails.

“I was on the board of a few charities, but it was thought by some that I take some time for myself. A little R and R, if you will. But then, after my third husband, I decided to let some fresh faces take the reins for a while.” Holy hell, three husbands!? What do you say to something like that?

“Oh….well I am sorry to hear that. They say third time's the charm, though.” She rolls her eyes at me and laughs.

“Oh honey my last was worse the first two put together. It seems like there is not one man on this planet that can keep it in his pants!” I never break my smiles in fear that if I did she would see the horror I feel just setting here with her.

“Any kids then?” Secretly I pray that she doesn’t have any. That’s that last thing the city needs more of her running around.

“No, that was never my thing. You know the two am feedings and diaper changes. I mean I could have hired a nanny for that. But it seems each of my husbands were dead against that, it was the mother’s job they would say. Now if I was working I could have gotten a day nanny but why even bother, either way it was more work than I was willing to go through.” She smiles and then pats my knee. “What about you? I think I heard you had gotten married. And there was something about you dropping out of college. Which was such a shame, you were so smart Sara.”

Oh my God this women is insane. Of all the people to make social call, why did it have to be her!? Then she asks about my marriage, there is not a drink strong enough to make me want to go down the path with her right now. So I said the first thing that came to mind.

“It didn’t work out.” I can see she is confused as hell and she confirms that by asking what didn't work out. “None of it, school, marriage, my life then.” She seems genuinely concerned then.

“Oh well, what happened? Where have you been all these years? You're divorced, right?” I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“No we are not divorced, separated I guess….two years now. As for school, I changed my mind; I couldn't picture myself at a desk job day in and day out. I became a musician instead and I can now say that I am quite successful at it. And no kids, not that I don’t want any. I just haven’t gotten to a point in my life where I feel I am ready.” That’s all she needed to know about me and my life. It wasn't like she kept in touch over the years. In fact I am not even sure if she even liked me in high school. She was best friends with Tori who then dated Michael. Michael and I had band class together every year since junior high. Eventually we started a band together. Never gave it a name but we loved to jam in his basement after school. And of course Nikie and Tori would be there. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend. He knew I was gay and never judged me on it and never told a soul.

Nikie stayed only a short while longer before she had to go. After she left I flopped down on my bed and let out a deep breath. I guess my life could be worse. I could be like her, looking twice my age, apparent alcoholic, divorced three times and too scared to work a day in my life leaving me to rely on others for everything. Charity board really, all that shit is just bored trophy wives who don’t have anything better to do. But then again, that is where she was right, just a trophy wife, a pretty face to keep around.

The more I think about my afternoon visit, the more I realize my mom had to be behind it. Other than my nightly phone calls all I really do is mope around the house. And of course mom brings up Tegan every night at dinner. She ask all the normal question a mother would ask, when trying to learn about their child’s latest crush. I know mom knows the answers to all those questions but I humor her anyway knowing it is more for her benefit than mine. I haven’t really been around much the last ten years. I know it is going to break heart her when it is time for me to go.

Tonight when I call Tegan, I plan to let her know that I am on board with this collaboration thing. Not that I don’t want to play music alongside her, really I just want to be closer to her. This is my chance so I might as well take it. I am not sure what I am feeling exactly but I do know I am happiest when she is on my mind, which seems to be all day everyday as of late. Now that doesn't mean I am not nervous about being in the same room with her. Just that the thought alone makes my stomach do flips. Hell, how am I going to live with her!? I swear I haven’t felt like this….well since I met Emy.

I look over at the clock and see that is it just past four, Tegan is on the east coast this week so it’s only just past one there. I could call her now. Sound check isn't for a few hours. I stare at my phone for a minute, wondering if now would be a good time to call her. I pick my phone up and pull up her name in my contacts, my finger hovers over her name for a second before I drop the phone back on my bed. I throw myself, face first, onto my bed screaming into the pillow. Rolling over I take a deep breath and then reach for my phone. I dial her number and bring the phone to my ear. It rings a few times before she picks up.

I don’t respond to her first hello and then on the second I hear a bit of panic in her voice. She thinks something is wrong, why would Tegan think that? Finally I snap out of it.

“Hey.” That is all I manage to force out. Why in the hell am I so nervous I have talked to her a dozen times now!

I hear the same panic in her voice. “Sara? Is everything okay? I wasn't expecting your call till later tonight.” Of course! I never call this early in the day. I honestly didn't think it would freak her out.

“No…no….everything is fine. I….well…..fuck!” I hear Tegan laughing on the other end. “I am glad you find this amusing.” I spit out a bit annoyed.

“No go ahead Sara. I am sorry. It’s you’re just so damn cute sometimes. Please, what do you call to say?” Fuck, did she say that? She thinks I am cute! Wait, was that’s all she thought of me? That I am just cute? I am a women, I need to be more than cute! Damn it I will show you cute!

I collect my thoughts, no need to dwell on what is or isn’t at the moment. “Well I just wanted to let you know that after thinking it over, I have decided that I do want to go through with the collaboration. I think it is a wonderful opportunity for us both.” I tried to sound professional while trying to hold back a smile. I just hope she is as excited as I am.

I hear some rustled movement on the other end. I really can’t make out what it is but then after a few hello’s Tegan responds. She sounds a bit winded.

“Alright then. Umm….you’re calling the shots. So what is your plan? Where do you want to meet after my tour is over? I think there was mention of an apartment for us to stay at.” I sigh in relief as she seems to be on board with this.

“Well I really don’t have any place in mind. I think I would like to be on the West Coast for a change though.” So I can be as far away from Montreal, as I can get.

“Okay then…..Seattle or LA? Or even Portland?” Tegan suggests right away. It seems she has been given this some thought as well.

“Well, we are going to need a secure building of some sort. With the paparazzi and all, you know.” There was an awkward silence and I deep breathe on the other end.

“Yeah….you're right. I was hoping things die down a bit but you know how the media can get…..” I wanted to tell her that I didn’t know but then that would just make this even more awkward to at the moment.

“Can I come see you?” I blurt out not sure as to what came over me. I pace the room and nervously bite my thumb nail trying not to let out a nervous cry. Maybe she didn’t want me to come see her. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself, maybe she just thought I was cute. Shit not that again, it’s okay to be cute even at 30.

Maybe I just caught her off guard because I get an excited response. “Yeah…yeah. That would be great. I would love to have you hang out with me for a few days. I have a few shows in New York this weekend. Would that work for you, I mean I know it is short notice and all.”

I can feel a grin form on my face as I sit back down on the bed. “No that’s perfect. I really need to get out of Calgary. I am going stir crazy here.”

“Great so then I will meet you in New York, on Friday. We can hammer out any other details then I guess.” Tegan sounds just as excited as I am.

Still grinning a say good bye and promise to call her later after the show. Then I immediately start gathering up all my laundry to wash, so I can start packing.

 

**Tegan’s POV**

Starting each day without a hangover has given me prospective on life, it seems. I no longer have to gather aimlessly thrown cloths up off the floor, while fighting a headache. There is no one to cling to me, as I walk them out and no begging for my number in hopes to hear from me or see me again. Usually at that point it is well past noon and I have to get my shit together for us to either hit the road or that night’s show. How the hell did I function like that?

Today, just like many days these past few weeks, I went out and did some sightseeing, this time we are in Chicago. After an early lunch we head back to the hotel and I start to pack for us to head out on the bus right after the show tonight. Just as I started separating what was clean from dirty I hear my phone ring. Right off I notice it is Sara’s ringtone. I stiffen in shock as I look at the clock and then run to answer it. I say hello and get no response. Panic sets in and in a desperate need to get an answer I yell into the phone. Finally she answers me. In my concern I ask her why she called. She fumbles with her words, she’s nervous. I love that she's so nervous sometimes, it’s cute. Much like someone with a crush. I tell her that I think she’s cute. Not sure why I did it just came out. Could she have a crush on me, I mean were not in fucking high school. We are adults, she just needs to come out a say something. I have never been any good at these games.

Finally we get to the reason she called. She wants to do the collaboration with me. I know at first I was against this one hundred percent but that was before I got to know her. She is a brilliant musician, I start listening to her tracks, looked her up YouTube. I found myself captivated by the way she interacts with the audience. I am to a point that I would actually be devastated if she didn’t. But not because the label would drop me but because then I would have no reason to wait for her calls every night, no reason to smile when think about her, and no reason to hope that maybe I might have found my other half. As soon as I hear she’s in I can’t hold back my excitement.

I pull the phone away from my ear and cover it with my hand as I yell YES and jump around, like I had just won the ultimate prize. I calmed down, just enough to catch my breath, but I am still a grinning fool as I try to casually let her know that I am ready to move forward with the plans. I had given this a lot of thought, trying to figure out where be best for us to meet up. I wanted some place where we could get lost in the city if we wanted a day out and about. Someplace where I could take her to a movie and be unseen.

When she mentions she wanted to be on the east coast I rattle off a few of the larger cities but deep down I know we wouldn't get the privacy I hope for there. It seems she thought the same thing, she brings up needing secure housing for us. Instantly I feel like shit again. The media still hasn’t backed off. It’s been almost a month and they still seem to think they can try and catch me fucking up. But what they don’t know it that there is nothing to tell. I fear that the moment they see me with Sara they will drag her name through the mud just as well.

Just as I thought the call was about to come to an end, out of nowhere she asks to see me. Just like that I felt like I was on top of the world again. How could I say no to that? She fucking wants to see me, Tegan Quin. I mentioned New York in hopes she would be up to flying out to see me this weekend. She said that is was perfect and I couldn't agree more. I finish my packing rather quickly and move my things back on the bus. We still had an hour until we needed to head over to the venue so I crank some music and kick back to relax.

I lay there and I think real long and hard about what I want exactly. Jamie had been my last serious relationship. We had been seeing each other for almost 6 months. Well if that’s what you want to call it. She a steady job back in Vancouver, I was on the road. Some weekends she would fly out to meet me, but 36 hours was never enough. After that I decided that a life on the road couldn't handle what I want, deep down. I wanted what I watched my dad for years struggled to find. My dad married 3 times before he met Caroline. My mom never seemed to get a guy to stick around long enough to even discuss marriage. Sometimes, I wonder if it was because of me, the problem child. I never asked, I didn't want to know.

I hated seeing my dad go through divorce after divorce. After his second one, I vowed to never put myself through that. I wanted to marry for life, after all the vows, I say till death do us part. And that is what I intend. I have had several people tell me I am foolish to think that way. That you never know what life is going to throw at you, but the way I see it, you make it what you want.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sara’s POV**

By the time mom gets from work I have already done one load of my cloths and have my whites in the dryer. I didn’t have much with me, I normally pack light. Besides most of my stuff Reina shipped back to Montreal. In-between loads I booked my flight for New York. It leaves tomorrow at noon, this gives my time to call Jason and inform him that I’m in. After my weekend with Tegan it’s my plan is to fly home to Montreal. Hopefully with it being a weekday I can slip in without Emy knowing I am in town. I just need to grabs some stuff to have shipped to wherever Tegan and I end up. I deiced that I need to make a list so I don’t miss anything but I have plenty of time on the plane for that.

So mom finds me in my room neatly folding and packing my suit case. She raise a brow as she leans against the doorframe. “Going somewhere?” She’s a bit disappointed it seems.

I stop what I am doing to turn and face her. “I am going to spend the weekend in New York with Tegan.” I wait to see her reaction. She smiles.

“Really?” I can also see a bit of shock. “Wow, that’s just…..sudden….but I am happy for you. When will you be back?” She moves into the room and start to help me fold.

I hesitate at first. “I am not sure I will be….Tegan has a few weeks left of her tour and we are supposed to share apartment together. It is part of the terms for our collaboration. So I thought after this weekend I will go home to Montreal and pick up some stuff before heading to wherever we end up.”

Mom just nods her head. I can tell she is think hard about something. “Why don’t you guys come back here? I think it would be good for both of you.” I just shake my head already dismissing the idea. “Just hear me out, okay?” She begs.

I sigh. “Okay mom. What makes you think Calgary is the best place for us right now?” Mom sits at the foot of my bed.

“First of all, I follow what goes on in the entertainment world. I know about what they are saying about Tegan. Whether there is any truth to it, I am not to judge. But I also don’t want you dragged into it either. If two of you go off to a big city you won’t have any privacy. At least here you won’t be bombarded.” We are both quite for a moment. Letting what mom said sink in for a minute.

“Besides, I think you both could use some soul searching. And what better place to do that then here, home. Plus I want to get to know the women who has stolen your heart.” Mom puts her arm around me as she says that and pulls me into a hug. I let out a little laugh.

“I wouldn’t say she stole my heart mom….she’s just……Tegan.” She just gives me a week smile when I say that. Really I’m not really sure what she is to me. She’s just my Tegan.

“Right, so you just jumping up and running off to see her is what exactly? Sara, you forget I am your mother and I know you wouldn’t just do that for anybody. So quite lying to yourself and just accept the fact you have a reason to move on. I know it’s scary but you have too.”

I swallow hard before finding my voice. I know mom’s right, she always is. I know I need to move on and the first step in let go is signing the divorce papers. I might even sell the condo. Lord knows I can’t stand to spend much time there. Emy fell in love with it the minute we first looked at it, so I hung on to it just in case she ever came back. “I think your right…it’s time I sign them.” I take my eyes off the floor and look her in the eye. “And I think I am going to sell the condo too.”

I can see the surprise in mom’s eyes. “Are you sure about that? You don’t have to rush into this Sara. I just want you to open your eyes to see what’s around you.”

I hear the buzzer of the washing machine. As I go into the kitchen mom follows. She watches in silence as I load the dryer. After starting it fold my arms and lean against it staring at the floor. “It’s been 2 years mom….she filed 7 months ago. And for whatever reason this last month she has been pressuring me to sign them. I am sure she would still be calling if I didn’t keep my phone turned off. But I think I will agree if she agrees to sell the condo and give one hundred percent of the sell……and of course to never contact me again.”

Mom gets us both a water from the fridge as I take a seat at the table. “Does Tegan know about Emy, that you’re married?” I open the water and take a long drink. I play with the cap refusing to look my mom in the eye.

“No….it hasn’t come up.” Mom is quick to respond.

“Well don’t you think you should tell her before this gets….more serious…?” I can see the amusing look on her face, I know exactly what she is thinking.

“You mean before we need up in bed together?” I know my mom, and I know when she is trying to play coy with me.

“What?! Look you are a grown women and I am not here to tell you that you can’t have sex with her. Just make sure all the cards are on the table before you do.” I nearly choke on my water.

“I am not having this conversation with you.” I say as I stand to leave the room.

Mom yells back as I enter the hall. “Oh come on Sara. We are both adults here.”

Entering my room I yell back. “But you’re still my mother!”

I didn’t sleep much last night. I am nervous as hell about spending the weekend with Tegan. We have so much to talk about. One thing weighting on my mind is whether I tell her now about my divorce or wait. I don’t want her to think I am hiding it from her, but at the same time it might freak her out. Fuck, I could use a glass of wine right now!

After my shower I pack away the rest of my things and drag the suitcase into the living room leaving it by the door. Having returned the rental car weeks ago I call for a shuttle from the airport. I make sure my phone is charged having been on it all morning. My first call was to Jason, who is excited that I agreed to working with Tegan. Next I called Reina. I needed three things, a divorce lawyer, a real estate agent and movers. Needless to say she was a bit shocked at my requests and asked like ten times if I was sure. I said yes every time. I had to convince her I was, even if I haven’t convinced myself. I told her to meet me in Montreal Monday afternoon, she said she would be there.

My trip to the airport and the flight itself was uneventful. It was long and I had a layover in Chicago. While there I debated whether I should call Emy. It might be a relief to her to know I would be there next week to settle things. To know that she can move on.

With twenty minutes till my next flight I give in and dial her number. It rings a few times before someone other than Emy answers. I hear a very chipper hello on the other end. Cautiously say hello. I can only assume she is the reason Emy wants a divorce. The very chipper voice asks if I want to talk to Emy. With a yes she then soon comes to the phone.

“Emy? How….how are you?” I babble like an idiot. It has been a few years since I have talked to her and honestly I am not sure how to even start a conversation with her.

“Good, I’m good Sara. How about you? It seems you’re really making a name for yourself these days.”

I take a deep breath. “Yeah it’s been long journey but I’m finally there.” I pause for a minute trying to collect my thoughts. “I got the papers….and I know you are ready to move on. I will sign them but we have to sell the condo. Really it’s yours and I know you left it to me but I really don’t want it Emy. It’s more of a storage place for my stuff then anything, I am never there.”

I hear her sigh. “Yeah that’s fine. I will see about getting a realtor.”

“I have Reina working on it as well as movers so don’t worry about.” I quickly respond.

I hear a sharp “Oh!” Followed by and slow “Is that your girlfri….?”

I cut her off. “No, Reina is my personal assistant. She’s the one you called a few weeks back.”

“Right” that’s all I get from her. Just as I go to hang up she speaks up. “Are you seeing anyone Sara?” She sounds sad.

I hesitate to answer, it’s not that I can’t trust her but more of do I really want her to know the real reason why I am ready to sign the papers. “Sort of……” I am not really sure what to label what Tegan and I have. We have met in person once but spent nearly a month talking over the phone getting to know each other.

Emy catches me off guard when she asks me who? The moment Tegan’s name leaves my mouth she lays into me. “Tegan….as in Tegan Quin. Sara, do you have any idea…..”

Before I can even let her finish that sentence I cut in. “Emy, I am fully aware of what they are saying about her. You should know by now not to believe everything you see and hear. I can’t vouch for her past but I know that since I have known her she hasn’t done any of that.” I didn’t tell her it had only been a few weeks, for all she knew those pictures could have been taken years ago.

I can almost feel her roll her eyes at me. “Fine Sara, I am right to assume that whatever you have is not public? Just promise me you won’t let her bring you down. You have worked so hard, I would hate to see everything fall apart.”

I confirm everything and make that promise as my flight is being called. After asking when I will be back in Montreal she says she will set a meeting for Tuesday morning.

**Tegan’s POV**

I swear I haven’t been this excited since I got my first Gibson. The first thing I did was call up the hotel and trade my single room for a suit and added Sara’s name to the guest list. Just as I got off the phone I noticed it was time for our sound check. As I enter the small lounge in the back I announce that I have some good news. With all eyes on me I tell the guys that Sara’s in, that well will be working together.

I flop down on the couch between Jasper and Ted. I lean forward am start tapping out a beat on my shoes as I look around the room. Across the room John looks at me with this dead stare. “Tee, uh…..are you okay? I mean you’re like….fuck I don’t know….just not you.”

I just look at him confused and then the rest of the guys who are just as stunned. Then it hit me. I smile and laugh. “Oh I’m just a little nervous is all. Sara is coming to see me this weekend.” I try hard no to grin so much but I can’t help it.

Jasper laughs. “Really? You’re nervous? I have seen nervous Tee, this is something else….this is…..” When the realization hit him he stops smiling. “Oh shit!” Everyone looks at him. “Tee is in love!”

I feel my face turn six shades of red as I try to deny his claims. Just as I tell him to shut the fuck up I get hit with a pillow. I look up to see Ted. “Don’t be embarrassed Tee, this is epic!”

Jasper shoulder bumps me. “So she’s the one then, the one you have been holding out for all these years for……” I wasn’t sure if he was asking or telling but I just nod with a gummy grin.

“She fucking everything I have ever wanted…..I just wish she would open up more. I can tell there is something she is holding back. And I have no fucking clue what it could be.”

Jasper throws his arm over my shoulder giving me a side hug. “I am sure it’s nothing. Even if it is….I am sure it’s nothing you can talk out. So don’t get hung up over it okay.”

The sound check, the show and ride back to the hotel all seem like a blur. Before I know it I am freshly showered and lying in bed wide awake wondering if I should kiss her tomorrow when I met her at the airport. I am almost thirty fucking years old and here I am on edge like a fucking sixteen year old. Crazy to think one women can make me so insecure.

Finally my thoughts of Sara’s soft lips touching mine lure me to sleep and wake to my alarm right at six. We have a three hour drive to New York and I need to be there eleven at the latest. So how I manage to get all the guys up and on the bus by seven. Go fucking me!!

I shower and dress on my bus taking advantage of the fact I am alone to fuss over what to wear. I start with stone washed jeans and pick a random vintage band tee planning to throw on my worn leather jacket later. As for my hair I just throw in some moose and give it a blow dry. I call for a car, knowing it is how Sara likes to travel. I get to the airport with 15 minutes to spare, I check to make sure her fights on time and see that it is.

Making my way to the baggage claim I notice just how sweaty me hands are. I don’t have time to wash my hands so I just wipe them off on my pants. I crack my knuckles and start pacing the floor not realizing Sara is now standing three feet from me. “Tegan?” she says with a cute giggle. I look up with a huge grin on my face. And without even giving it a second thought I close the distance between us.

“Hey” I whisper as pull her into a hug. I linger for a second before bring my face close to hers. I look her in the eyes and then glance down at lips just for a split second before I lean in for a kiss. There is no resistance and hesitation from her as I deep our kiss, slightly run my tongue across her bottom lip and giving it a gentle nibble before pulling back. I swear I have never in my life felt something so right, perfect. Her lips perfectly molded to mine.

She wraps her arms around and gives me longing hug. I take in her scent, honeysuckles and a hint of jasmine. A perfect combination. She smiles at me before pulling me into another kiss. It is just as perfect as the first. Then she giggles. “As much as I would like to stand here in the baggage claim and kiss you I think we should head to the hotel.”

I blush as I remember where I am. “Yeah…come on I have a car waiting for us.” I take her hand and lead her to the car. As soon as the driver pulls away from the curb she climbs into my lap and smoothers me with kisses. I try to remember the last time I made out in the back seat of a car, god I had to have been in high school. I try to wrap my head around this, Sara being so aggressive. I never would have thought that about her not that I am complaining right now. I just let her have control and as her hands graze my bare skin the car comes to a stop out the hotel.

She pulls back and looks at me as she tries to slow her breathing. She gives me one more longing kiss before sliding out of my lap. We both straighten our cloths and hair just as the driver opens the door.

**Sara’s POV**

What the hell came over me!? The kiss in the airport, which was a pleasant surprise, was so perfect, sweet and tender but left me wanting more. And Suddenly I just felt the need to be as close to her as possible. Then in the car it was like I just lost all control the minute I was alone with Tegan. Hell I know it’s been over two years since I’ve gotten any but that doesn’t mean I need to jump her like I did. Thank god the trip to the hotel was short because I don’t think I would have stopped myself from taking her right there in the car. Lord knows I would have regretted it later. The walk from the car to room are a daze for me as I try to collect myself. I hope she is not expecting me to try and sleep with her once we get into the room. Not saying I don’t want to. Fuck what is wrong with me. I need a long cold shower and that’s exactly where I head as soon as she opens the door.

Okay so maybe I don’t take a cold shower but I shower. I guess I am in here for way to long because Tegan knocks on the door to ask if I am okay. I shut off the shower and wrap myself in a large fluffy towel before opening the door just a crack. I give her a weak smile a so she can see I am just fine. She asks if I want to order lunch in or go out. I vote for going out, right now the less time alone with Tegan the better. At least until I can get myself in check.

I quickly dress and meet Tegan in the small sitting room that adjoins our room. She stands as I enter the room. I can see that she is uneasy and I know it is because of me. I give her a weak smile and ask if she is okay. She sits back down and looks down at her hands.

“I am not sure what happened?” She looks up at me with such sad eyes and it’s like someone has just punched me in the gut. “I mean I thought you….I mean in the car you were kissing me and then you just go and lock yourself in the bathroom the minute we get the room……what did I do Sara?”

All I can think to do is to kiss her and that’s exactly what I do. The kiss is sweet and gentle at first but then comes the feeling of wanting more again. I deepen the kiss and move to straddle her. Her hands slip up under my shirt and she runs them up and down my back before griping my waist. My kisses now trail along her jaw and down her neck before moving back to her delicious mouth. She pulls me close and grids herself against me. That’s enough to bring me back to reality. I break the kiss in a panic and jump off her lap landing in the floor.

“Shit….shit….shit….” That’s all I can say as my mother’s words come back to mind. I have to tell Tegan I am married. It is only fair. I look up at Tegan and she has hurt expression and it kills me to see her this way. I crawl over to her and kneel on my knees. I take both of her hands into mine. “Tegan, you have to believe me when I say this. There is nothing more I want right now then to have be with you in every way possible. But you have to understand, I can’t. Not right now…..technically Tegan I am a married women.”

I wait for her reaction, wait for her to say anything. “For how long?” Tegan has a blank expressions.

I jump to answer I need her to know that I won’t be for much longer. “Just until next week, I meet with the lawyers Tuesday morning.”

Tegan shakes her head in confusion. “No I mean how long you been married….wait…what? You mean you’re getting a divorce?”

I nod. “Yes I am getting divorced. And to answer your other question. Technically……ten years but she left me two years ago.” I need to make sure she knew there was nothing left for me with my ex.

Tegan looks me in the eyes. “I don’t understand. She left you right?” I nod. “Then why can’t you be with me?”

I sigh and take a seat next to Tegan. I lay my head on her shoulder as I take her hands into mine again. “I just didn’t want that over your head. You have enough to deal with as it is. If they were to find out you are sleeping with a married women…god I can’t imagine the disaster that would be.”

Tegan kisses the top of my head. “Thank you for thinking about me.” She pauses for a moment before continuing. “Sara, I need you to know that those other women…..look I know this is going to sound worse than it is but they meant nothing to me. Don’t get me wrong I have dated in the past but none of them were what I was looking for. But now I don’t have to look any more….I have finally found what I have been looking for all these years.”

Slowly I lift my head and look deep into her eyes. I can see that she means every word it. I caress her face before pulling her into a tender kiss. “So dinner? Still want to go out?” I ask secretly hoping she asks if we can stay in after all. I just need to be close to her right now.

Ultimately we end up go out, small café within walking distance. We were laughing have a good time when out of know where the front of the café is surrounded a crowd of people taking pictures. Knowing that we couldn’t leave without being bombarded we run and hide in the bathroom as Tegan calls for security to come and safely escort us back to the hotel. As we wait once again I am hit with the words of my wise mother. We will never have any privacy, maybe Calgary is where we need to be after all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Tegan’s POV**

Huddled up in a small bathroom trying to evade a mass of people was not how I envisioned our first real date together. I offer a weak smile as I pull Sara close and hug her tightly. “Are you okay?” I can imagine she is freaked out right now. “I didn't expect this to happen. It seemed like the media attention had died down recently.”

Sara smiles back. “I’m fine. I sort of expected this considering how much attention you were getting.” Sara gives a small peck on the cheek when I hear a knock at the door and a deep voice asking if we are okay. It’s Dan our head of security. I knew he would personal come down here, there is only one way out of here and that is through the mass of people.

I open the door just enough to let him in. “Alright this is what we've got. I have a car parked waiting out front, I have contacted NYPD, they are sending down a few guys to help with crowd control. Once they get here my guys are going to clear a path and when I give you the all clear you are going to both run for the car. Don’t stop for anything.”

Sara and I just nod and hold on to each other tightly as Dan slips back out the door. It is just really minutes but it seems like an hour before I hear the familiar knock again. I open the door and we step out hand in hand. We both take a deep breath as we walk closer to the door. As we pass the threshold Sara and I take off in a run. People are scream my name, snapping pictures and various questions are asked as we make our way to the car. A guy from the security team opens the door once we are a few feet away. Sliding into the car the door is slammed behind us and the car takes off.

Inside the car we both fight to catch our breath, Sara more so then me. At first I didn't realize that was happening but then suddenly Sara is reaching into her pocket and struggling to get something out of it. I can see the panic in her face so I jump to react. “Just calm down Sara I got this.” I reach in to her pocket and pull out an inhaler and stare at for a second in confusion not know what to do with it really. I look up at Sara and she is moving her hand up and down. I realize she is telling me to shake it. I give it a few quick shakes and hold it up to her mouth. She wraps her hands around mine and press down on it while take a deep breath. After a few seconds she does this again.

Just as we arrive back at the hotel Sara relaxes. “Are you okay? Do you want to go to the hospital?” I ask freaked out as hell. She just smiles and takes a few more deep breaths.

“I’m fine Tegan……just asthma. That’s why I always have this.” She hold up the inhaler. Just then Dan opens the door and asks if we are alright. We say we are fine as we get out of the car as he and two others escort us to our suite. Before Dan leaves us for the night he informs me that he will be here at one tomorrow to take us to my sound. I thank him and then lock the door.

I look behind me and see Sara laying down on the couch. I walk over to her and sit near her. She moves over and lays her head in my lap. I run my hand through her hair. “Are you sure you are okay Sara?” I worry. I had never seen anyone have an attack like that. She looks up at me and with that same smile takes my hand and kisses it.

“I’m fine, I promise. Just a little tried is all.” She does look tired, I can see how heavy her eyes are.

“Why don’t we change into our pajamas and cuddle up for a movie?” I ask in hopes she agrees. I doubt she would be up for anything other just a cuddle tonight. With a sleepy smile she says yes and heads into the other room where she placed her luggage earlier. I slip into my room and change into so yoga pants and a loose t-shirt. Normally I would just wear boxers with a t-shirt but I don’t want to make Sara uncomfortable.

I settle in the bed and turn on the TV. About ten minutes pass before Sara peaks her head around the door. I smile at how cute she is and pull back the blankets silently asking her to join me. She giggles and jumps into the bed. She moves so quick I barley realize she is just in a long t-shirt. I tense up for a second as she wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a heated kiss. She whispers for me to relax as she throws her leg up over my waist pulling me on of her. How can I say no to her?

My hands slowly wonder downward looking for the hem of her shit as we both fight for dominance in our kiss. Soon enough I come in contact with the bare skin on her thighs, with that contact comes a low moan from Sara as my thumbs rub her smooth skin. She allows my hands roam up, they move past her panties to her waist. I break our kiss and look her in the eyes. I can see that she wants this, that she needs this. Instead of moving back to her lips I turn my attention to her delicate neck. Kissing her first just behind her ear, I move down her neck gently kissing and nibbling until I reach her collar bone. With both legs wrapped securely around me Sara grinds herself against me. Her eyes are closed and her head is thrown back as she calls out my name. I can tell she is close and I haven’t even touched. Matching my pace to hers I can feel that the dull ache now build from within myself as well, my mouth once again finds hers. Never in my life I have ever felt such passion from a kiss, it’s so consuming and inviting. To have her lips on mine I could die happy at this very moment.

My name and the soft moans are now replaced with sting on “oh gods” and several “fuck me’s” as our pace quickens. I slip my arm around her waist as she arches her back and pin her to me as her body begins to tremble. Within seconds of Sara I find myself at the edge as well. Then Sara reaches down and grabs my ass with both hands pressuring herself full against me. I lose it instantly and moan her name a load as I ride out the best orgasm I have ever had in my life.

Sara pushes me off her and we both lay flight on our backs trying to catch our breath. Just as I am about to pull her to me and tell her how fucking fabulous she is I hear an unmistakable voice. “You have got to be kidding me Tegan?”

We sit up in the bed and see my manager Dawn standing in the door way of the room. “I knocked you know, three times. But there was no answer so I let myself in and this is what I find.” Dawn says sternly with one hand on her hip. “Get cleaned up and meet in here in five minutes.”

“Well fuck!” I look over and Sara who now has her face cover with the sheet. I giggle. “I don’t suppose you’re going to come out anytime soon.” I hear a muffled no which makes me laugh again. “Oh come on Sara, I am not ashamed okay. Beside I think it is better that she found out on her own then from so tabloid and then having to ask us about it. Plus she can't pin this on me, you started it not me.” I say as I begin to tickle her. After a few seconds she pulls the sheet down, she is still very flush in the face but smiling and that is all I care about.

 

**Sara’s POV**

Tegan has this strange effect on me. In all my years with Emy I never wanted to be with someone so bad. A part of me wants to chuck it up to the fact I hadn't been laid in years, but then again there is something about Tegan that excites me. Even after we left for dinner and later rushed back to the hotel, I still find myself still worked up from earlier. So when Tegan suggest we cuddle up and watch a movie I thought I was going to lose it right then a there. There is no way I can be so close to her and not touch her. Alone in my room I lay back on the bed and wonder if I have enough time to for a quick release. I run my hand down my stomach and rub my throbbing clit over my jeans. As I continue doing so I start to imagine Tegan touching, kissing me, even her moans as if she was in the room.

Just as I am about to slip my hand into my pants I realize she is right in the other fucking room. Why can’t I have this, have her? There is nothing standing in my way anymore. With my sudden surge of confidence and cougar I slip out of my jeans and pull my shirt and bra off. I was tempted to waltz in there in just my panties but decided against so instead I just pull on a long white tee.

When I reach her room I can see the door is half open and I can hear the TV. I peek my head in hope to catch her undressed but find her already under the blankets flipping through the channels. I was nervous standing there half naked behind the door but then she pulls back the blankets. It was like a sign from the heavens! I take a few running skips into the room and hop right into the bed.

Even thought I was now in the same bed as Tegan I could help this need to be even closer. Within seconds I pull Tegan in for a kiss, but then I feel her stiffen. God she must be confused right now especially after my rambling earlier. I can’t have a confused Tegan so show her just want I need. Feeling Tegan’s hands and mouth on me is pure bliss. I can already tell I am not going to last long as wrap my legs around her. It’s like I can’t get close enough to her as I start to grind my dripping center against Tegan’s. My mind begins to wonder and hope that she too gets something out of this. I would hate for her to think I used her for my own release.

My questions are answered when she too begins to moan aloud. This excites me even more and I quicken my pace. My need to get us both to a release is now my only goal. Oddly it seems like she knows exactly what I need when she slips her arm around my waist pinning her hips against mine. The building friction is exactly what I need to send me over the edge. The intensity of it all left me obvious to the fact that someone had been standing there in the heat of things. Knowing that someone watched for even a second makes me want to crawl in a hole and die.

I would have been very happy to just stay hidden under the blankets while Tegan deals with Dawn. But she is right in the fact I did seduce her, Dawn needs to see that Tegan has changed in the past few weeks. Climbing out from under the blanket I blush knowing Tegan can see through the now drenched thin tee. Tegan just walks up to me with a grin, gives me a sweet kiss and laughs. “Next time don’t even bother with cloths.” My blush deepens as I slow walk out of the room, before I do I peck my head around the door to see if Dawn is close by. She is engrossed in something on her laptop. I take this opportunity and make a run for my room slamming the door behind me.

I quickly shower and throw on some yoga pants a tank top. Back in the sitting room Tegan and Dawn were sitting and chatting. The moment my presence is known Dawn just looks at me with a cocky smile. “Thanks to you Sara I have to owe Tegan here an apology. And it seems she has given up her old womanizing ways. So for that I thank you. In all my years I don’t think I have seen this side of her.”

She stands up and gives me a hug then asks me to sit. Tegan doesn't hesitate to wrap her arm around my waist and kiss me on the cheek. She tells me I smell nice. Tegan and Dawn start discussing what they plan to release to the press, they are going to want to know the status of mine and Tegan’s relationship. To be honest I am not sure what they will be able to make of it just from the photos. It’s wasn't like she were kissing or anything. Tegan slips her thumb up under the hem of my shirt and strokes my bare skin with her thumb.

I can feel my blush creep up again, I zone out for a minute letting my wonder back to what Dawn had said. Had Tegan really changed because of me? I admit when we first met she seemed a bit stand offish. I assumed it was because of the situation. We have spoken about our pasts but never about our past lovers, never seemed like we were at an appropriate place in our relationship for that. But I think we are well beyond that now. Just I as I begin to think back on what we did just thirty minutes ago I feel a nudge and hear both Dawn and Tegan calling me name. They both look at me in concern which makes me giggle and they smile. Dawn wants to know if I had given it any thought on where I would like to stay while we work on our collaboration.

I snap out of my daze quickly. “Oh yeah actually I have. Tegan and I discussed it briefly and at the time I thought it might be best to go somewhere where we could have gated community. But then my mom and I talked about it as well and to be honest we wouldn't ever have any privacy even then. We would be cooped up all the time. So I was thinking we go back to Calgary or we could rent a house in nearby Okotoks even.” I bit my lip and look at Tegan wondering how she would react. I have no clue as to how close she is with her family or if she has ever been back.

I am surprised by the very words that leave Tegan’s mouth. “Let’s do it then. I am sure we can find a great place in Okotoks.” I can see the excitement in her eyes. “And there is a bunch of great local places we can check out. Oh and it’s not that far of a drive from Calgary we ever need a night out in the city.”

Both Dawn and I are shocked. Dawn just shakes her and says she will arrange for a furnished house and a car. Then Dawn asks if we are together, that in the public eye for now we are just to artist working together, but for the sake of the label she needs to know the truth. Tegan and I both look at each other searching for the right answer. I doubt even Dawn knows about Emy, I am sure Jason didn't tell her anything. I force a weak smile and reach for Tegan’s hand, intertwining her fingers with mine I look to Dawn.

“This may be a shock for you to learn but I’m technically married. Emy and I have been married for ten years, she walked out two years ago and next week I fly back to Montreal to sign the divorce papers.” I can feel a lump in my throat from as I wait for her reaction. Dawn looks up from computer and is wide eyed.

“Come again? You are married?! Why in the hell didn't anyone tell me?!” I am not sure if she is just shocked or angry. Quickly I start to explain.

“They didn't tell you because in my contract it states that only those directly working for me are privileged to that information.”

Both Tegan and Dawn give me this ‘What the hell?’ look. “Emy and I got married right before I got signed. We were 19 and she was still going to the university. At the time we were not sure exactly sure how successful I was going to be and I didn't want her bombard with that while in school. Plus the label thought I might be more appealing if I was a single open lesbian artist rather a newly married one.”

Dawn leans back on the couch and stares at the floor for a moment. “Tegan?” She then looks up at Tegan with a serious face. “Did she tell you this before you…..you….you ended up in bed?” It was almost like she could bring herself to speak of it. Tegan pulls close and kisses me on the lips.

“Yeah I knew. She told me before we went out for dinner. She was acting weird and I needed to know what was going on. But I don’t care, this time next week she will be free to be with whoever and we are in the privacy of our hotel right now so I don’t see how it matters.” Tegan the takes both my hands into hers and turns to look me in the eyes. “Besides I love her….”

I can feel the tears starting to form as I try to find my words. Truthfully I don’t know what to say, I don’t know if I love her or not. The only other person I loved or at least thought I loved was Emy. And what I felt for Emy is nothing compared to what I feel now for Tegan. I can feel my chest tighten and panic sets in. My inhaler is in the other room and there is no way I can make it there in time. Tegan jumps up and runs into the other room once she realizes what’s happening. Dawn freaks out and asks if she needs to call an ambulance just as Tegan kneels before me with the inhaler. I take it from and after a few puffs I can finally breathe again.

With sad eyes Tegan sits back down beside me she refuses to look me in the eyes. “Sara….I didn't mean to freak you out of to cause you to panic. And I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want you to feel like you have to say it back but I need you to know that I do love you. I know it has only been a few weeks and this is the first time we have spent any time together but I can’t help what I feel. You are everything I have ever wanted in a women and more.”

What do you say something like that. Here she is pouring her heart out to me and I have nothing to say in return. So I tell her the only thing I can the truth. “Tegan….I care for you very deeply. Whether it is love or not, I don’t know. I have only loved one other person in my life and now I am questioning if I truly loved her. And that is because of you. What I feel for you is so different then what I felt for Emy. I just need time to figure things out on that department, otherwise I don’t want to spend other day without you.”

At some point Dawn must have left our suit otherwise Tegan would not have pulled me into her lap and placed a consuming kiss upon my lips. “Then you won’t spend another day without me. I will go with you to Montreal if you want me to.”

I nod my head and pull her into another kiss. “Yeah I would like that. That is if you can.” Tegan scoops me up and carries me into the room and drops me on the bed. “After tomorrow's show I don’t have another show till Thursday, so yes I will be there."


End file.
